Fate

I accept my fate with my shoulders back and face forward. I walk towards my fate of darkness I know what I must do make others happy. If love somehow happens to sneak through to the darkness I will take it with my arms open, for this poor girl has never experienced love. Maybe he will accept me and my love. If this happens I will willingly leave the darkness and live in the light with happiness, love, and joy. Or maybe find love in the dark we can live in darkness together but I would rather live in part of the dark and part of the light. I wish to be held and loved for I have never smiled a true smile, laughed with my all, or cried out of happiness. I wish to experience joy. Someone help me! Save my heart and soul!

I actually cried while writing this.

Love

Oh, cupid why must thee hit with me with thyn arrow of love. For I have been, struck, I have fallen for thee, my prince. Thou hast found a way into mine heart and killed me deep inside. For I can’t get thee out my mind, but cruel love has it so, you have another love. For thou hast fallen for mine sister, oh cruel fate why hast thou hurt me so, I would rather die than fall for thee. For even though it is mine heart’s fantasy, it is against mine father's dying wish. For even thou ist a mere commoner and I a lady of royalty. You are mine, mine wish, oh how mine heart aches for thee. To thee I am a mere pest and annoyance but even if thee hates me so, mine heart will never let go. I hope one day thou can find a hint of love for me in thyn heart. Oh how I crave thyn sweet lips but for the sake of thee I will hold back mine love.

Forgive me for any spelling errors, this was my first time doing something in the Shakespearean language.

Please comment and give me your thoughts.

Thank you! 

My eyes, My life

Through my eyes the world has a different meaning and it’s different than most. A black rose you see as grim, I see it as beauty. The moon you see it as darkness, I see soul. Through my eyes I can see this world in all it’s glory, the good, the bad, death, and life. A glass is half empty or half full, why not both? During childhood and adolescence you experience joys and carelessness. During mine I have seen death too many times I experienced the real world, I know what it is like to love and lose. I think in different ways, I think deeper and question. Life can be brutal, Love can hurt, but always after a rain there is a sunny day. They love rap and dub step, I love punk and classic rock. They paint their nails pink and red, I paint mine black and red. They shop at Abercrombie and Juicy Couture, I shop at Hot Topic and Betsy Johnson. I may seem dark but get to know me and I am quite a nice person. I love to help those in need and I do my best, I may seem perfect to some but, is anyone perfect? We all have our needs our urges. It is impossible for someone to perfect. The seven deadly sins, what sins? We all have to go through them at least once in our life. We all have committed a sin. It make me think if there is a god why would he want us to be perfect what happened to “ God loves all his children” If he did love us wouldn’t he wasn’t us to be ourselves. Now in high school I have seen those who follow the fads and act so fake. I call those people cookie cutter boys and girls, but then there are those who follow their interest and do what the want, they have a mind of their own. I have my own thoughts, I have my own mind. I will never sink low enough to be a prey to the stereotypes or fads; I will rise above, live above. Not giving in to peer pressure or doing something that could put others in danger.  I will always be myself and no one else.

My life

Since this is my first time doing something like this I guess I will start off with my past.

I was born July 6th 1996 in San Francisco. I was born into a family of a mother as a lawyer and father as a scientist. We moved to Davis when I was 3. I met my first and best friend when I was 4 we were inseparable. Yeah everything seems so happy and good until the summer before 2nd grade. I was staying at my aunt's house in Texas it was so cool until we got a phone call from a hospital in Sri Lanka where my Dad was to go to a family reunion since he was Sri Lankan (my mom is also Sri Lankan). We found out he had a heart attack and died( yeah big shock). I just remember my mom coming up to me and my sister with tears in her eyes barely being able to talk and she said " Girls, Daddy is not coming home. We are going home" My sister asked why she said" Because Daddy got sick and died...." that's when she broke down crying while holding us in her arms it took me second to figure this out. Then I realized what was going on and tears filled up my eyes and it felt like a part of my heart just died inside I could not stop crying. When we got home school was starting soon so I immediately ran up to my best friend and I told her I had some bad news, she said she did too. She was moving to Oregon after the school year ended, I was stunned that's when I collapsed on my knees and cried I told her that  my dad passed away recently and she started to cry to because her dad was one of my dad's closest friends. I could not believe it. I just lost my dad and now I'm going to lose my best friend. After that my luck just sank to the bottom, 2 years later my godfather died of cancer it was mortifying to see him dying in the hospital right before my very eyes. The bad luck did not end there, no it just got worse. Soon my mom started to date again, then she got re-married but there was on flaw I hated this man he moved in and he was incredibly mean and nasty to my sister and I, we hated him. Now moving on to junior high, it was 7th grade I was ready to learn and make friends but no, in P.E. we started off doing gymnastics. I was so excited I had been doing gymnastics since I was 6 years old so I got to demonstrate how to use all of the apparatuses, when it came to the bars I was ready ( bars was my specialty) so when I started I showed of my new routine. Everyone was so impressed until one nasty little bitch started to call me Hindu hooker since some of the moves seemed a little like a pole dancing move to her. I was pissed and that totally ruined any chances of making any friends. The next year when everyone forgot about it a new girl came and started a rumor that I was addicted to drugs because I had an allergic reaction and had to use an EPEE-pen (used to help with allergic reactions) right in front of my friend on a late start Wednesday and I had to go to the hospital.Finally it was my last year in junior high, I wanted to get the heck out there without any trouble, turned out to be the worst year of junior high another little bitch came and oh she came with an evil that you could see in her eyes. We were friends for awhile but then suddenly people stopped talking to me and avoided me I was so confused , that's when one of my guy friends came up to me and asked " is it true" so I asked him what the heck was he talking about he said " you know, the rumor that you are a lesbian". I was shocked, It did not bug me that people thought I was a lesbian , I grew up with one my friend's parent being gay and two of my mom's best friends were a lesbian couple but it was the fact that everyone avoided me because that, it hurt. She also kept calling me names like "ugly whore", "fat bitch", "cow". She made me hate my life, I started to hated myself, because of that I went into depression and started to cut myself, I felt like some how I deserved all the crap that has happened in my life. I even wanted to kill myself to put myself out of this misery because apparently I was the girl nobody could love, I was the only girl who was never asked out or even kissed and I thought no one cared if I died . When I told one of closest friends this and asked her " what would you do if I killed myself?" she just paused and started to cry she said " I-I-I-I don't know what I would do. You are my best friend, you helped me through so much, you are the nicest person I know. Please don't go, I care about you". She kept on crying, I stood there for a second and thought wait someone cares? Before I knew it I was crying too. I promised her that day that I would stop, she helped me see that someone cared about me and that I was not alone in this world. Now it's my sophomore year in high school I now attend a charter school and everyone there calls me "the absolute nicest girl you could ever meet" I have friends who I can be myself towards and people who understand me. I now look forward and I never want to look back, I'm finally happy and proud to be where I am right now, my scars from cutting myself remind me of what a huge mistake I almost made.

I know kinda corny to end on a happy note but hey at least I know now that my life does not completely suck.

Sorry if my first blog is lame to you but that's my life!

Hate me, love me, I don't give a shit!