Journey

I'm not sure why, nothing has really changed in my life but recently I've felt this sort of peace of mind. Like of been freed a bit, kind of like I can now start living my life the way I planned it, not the way anyone else did. Forgetting the people who only brought you down and being happy with the people who are supportive. It's this light feeling in the center of my chest like the true feel of free. Kind of like the first time a bird can fly, it's just amazing, take your breath away and somehow makes it easier to breath. For every person there comes time that they have this. It's the beginning of finding yourself, and a longer journey through life.One that's long but one that I'm going to enjoy now. For once I want to continue my journey through life. I'm truly happy

The Nobody

So in a recent project for school we had to write a short essay of our personal experiences with prejudice. So I decided to share it with my wonderful followers, here it is

It was my second year of junior high, I was and 8^th grader, the kind of in-between awkwardness you were older than the new teenagers of 7^th grade and younger than the “high school” kids of 9^th grade. That was the year that most of us found a specific social or ethnic group to “hang out with”.  There were the “preppy populars”, The gossipy girls, athletic guys, and “swagtastic kids”, Ranging from ethnic groups of white, African American, and Latino. Then there was the “Indie Populars” which were the musicians, intellectual funny guys, the gamer girls and boys, Artists, Consisting of whites and Asians. There were the typical over achievers, class clowns, ect. And then there was me, the awkward girl who spent her entire 7^th grade in the library. I tried to fit into every group I could find. I was too white to fit in with colored people and too dark to fit in with white people, I wasn’t smart enough to fit in with Asians. I didn’t have enough talent to fit in with the art kids, too awkward to even try to approach a popular kid. I wasn’t a gamer or a comedian. I was just there, and I tried everything to be accepted even if that meant changing who I was. No matter where I tried I would get teased for being “different”. I would go home every day questioning “what’s so bad about me? Why don’t fit in?” Even at home I felt out of place, I was always was compared to my sister she was smart, beautiful, thin; she had a lighter skin tone too. I thought about it for awhile and I came to the conclusion that it was my skin color, in all the magazines I read having fair skin was beautiful, delicate. Even in the fairy tales I grew up reading described princesses with beautiful fair skin. I tried to hide my skin whenever I could, then one day I saw an ad in a magazine it was skin whitening cream “Have gorgeous fair skin in weeks! Soft and pretty like silk” The next day I hurried to the local drugstore and bought myself some. I was so excited I would finally be able to fit in. But after two weeks nothing changed in school but only at home, my grandma would complain always “Your skin is too light!” so my new look wasn’t exactly approved by her. I talked to my mom about it and she just said “Well try talking to people then they will see your personality and love you” Well I tried that and the funny thing I just became more of an outcast. My love for anime and manga, my weird sense of style, I was a fantasy writer, and even with absolutely no musical ability I still loved to sing. I would spend lunches just trying to get the nerve to talk to these people again so just maybe I would be accepted.

Love Like A Flame

Alas, springtime. When the creatures have awakened from their slumber and love comes to fly in the air. Couples forming all around and more and more people smile with happiness. This year during spring is a happy time for me now too, I have found an amazing guy who brightens my day a little more when I see his smile. The cold parts of my heart have been thawed from such a long cold time and it's remembering the warmth and joy. What is love? Love is the warmth and beat of your heart when you around the  other person. When your cheeks turn red from blushing so much when they simply hold your hand. That stupid smile you get on your face just from them smiling and looking at you, when they make you laugh from even the stupidest jokes or lame puns. When simply being close to them makes butterflies flutter in your stomach. Then one day you reminisce of all the good times and cute times and you start to think and you suddenly realize that you are starting to fall deeply in love with that someone and it doesn't scare you. When all you want to do is be around that special someone, not always in a intimate way but sometimes just cuddling with them all warm. When you can truly feel safe and you feel like nothing else in the world matters but you and that person, then you know you are in love. I guess I was right, Love really is the closest thing we have to magic. <3 

Soul of Me

Even with all of my major problems lifted off my chest I can’t help but still feel pressured and just tense. It’s like a have this feeling in my gut that something horrible is going to happen. I really don’t want that right now, I’ve finally had things going my way. But I get these moments of just fading in and out of reality or this world. Not my presence but more like my soul is being pulled away from this body of mine. It’s a weird feeling, I’ve been having this ever since I had a seizure last week, I had a near death experience. It was weird I couldn’t  remember who I was or where I was, I was out for a while but my entire soul went somewhere else I just saw pictures of life passing me in an endless darkness. I was there in a torn dress but with wings like an angle on my back. One was black and one was white, I could feel everything…..As weird as it was I wasn’t scared. Then I appeared in a dead forest in front of me was the reaper. He didn’t speak or come towards me; he just looked at me and then looked up. Then I heard my teacher’s voice and I was brought back and I suddenly remembered everything again about my life. But since then it’s like I keep being sucked away at moments. My entire body feels heavy, I stop breathing, like my soul is being pulled in and out of my body, when it comes back I end up in a hot sweat. And every time I end up feeling like I’m going to collapse. Now that is scary for me, shaken up but still going. I honestly don’t know what’s happening to me or what is going to happen to me. Death itself doesn’t scare me, it’s the fact of leaving everything I love.

The Dragon and The Fairy

Why am I like this?

Why is that I am so drawn to him

he is just...amazing

But it like a I'm a small little fairy and he is this amazing graceful dragon

But here I am so small and insignificant

He doesnt even know I exist as he flies so high

And here I am with a broken wing

but a fairy can dream right?

He is loved and admired by millions

he could never

There are mermaids, and witches, and even some goddesses

I am just one in this big land of a valley

I sit on a clover and trying to make my broken wing fly with my other

I see a spot of light, I want to fly

Fly high

That is my dream

He is living my dream

So when I fail and the sun goes down

I like to look at the starry skies

I wish upon my lucky stars

Tears rolling down my cheeks

Everyone knows

A fairy cant fly with the dragons

Fairies are weird

Rude

Mean people

Different

They say I should just die

What is the point of fairy who can't even fly

The other fairies say I should just come down and help them collect berries for food

Or find herbs for medicine

They call me a fool

But even broken I want to be more

I want to use my wings

Soar up high

So the question is....

Will I ever fly...up high....with him?