Since this is my first time doing something like this I guess I will start off with my past.
I was born July 6th 1996 in San Francisco. I was born into a family of a mother as a lawyer and father as a scientist. We moved to Davis when I was 3. I met my first and best friend when I was 4 we were inseparable. Yeah everything seems so happy and good until the summer before 2nd grade. I was staying at my aunt's house in Texas it was so cool until we got a phone call from a hospital in Sri Lanka where my Dad was to go to a family reunion since he was Sri Lankan (my mom is also Sri Lankan). We found out he had a heart attack and died( yeah big shock). I just remember my mom coming up to me and my sister with tears in her eyes barely being able to talk and she said " Girls, Daddy is not coming home. We are going home" My sister asked why she said" Because Daddy got sick and died...." that's when she broke down crying while holding us in her arms it took me second to figure this out. Then I realized what was going on and tears filled up my eyes and it felt like a part of my heart just died inside I could not stop crying. When we got home school was starting soon so I immediately ran up to my best friend and I told her I had some bad news, she said she did too. She was moving to Oregon after the school year ended, I was stunned that's when I collapsed on my knees and cried I told her that my dad passed away recently and she started to cry to because her dad was one of my dad's closest friends. I could not believe it. I just lost my dad and now I'm going to lose my best friend. After that my luck just sank to the bottom, 2 years later my godfather died of cancer it was mortifying to see him dying in the hospital right before my very eyes. The bad luck did not end there, no it just got worse. Soon my mom started to date again, then she got re-married but there was on flaw I hated this man he moved in and he was incredibly mean and nasty to my sister and I, we hated him. Now moving on to junior high, it was 7th grade I was ready to learn and make friends but no, in P.E. we started off doing gymnastics. I was so excited I had been doing gymnastics since I was 6 years old so I got to demonstrate how to use all of the apparatuses, when it came to the bars I was ready ( bars was my specialty) so when I started I showed of my new routine. Everyone was so impressed until one nasty little bitch started to call me Hindu hooker since some of the moves seemed a little like a pole dancing move to her. I was pissed and that totally ruined any chances of making any friends. The next year when everyone forgot about it a new girl came and started a rumor that I was addicted to drugs because I had an allergic reaction and had to use an EPEE-pen (used to help with allergic reactions) right in front of my friend on a late start Wednesday and I had to go to the hospital.Finally it was my last year in junior high, I wanted to get the heck out there without any trouble, turned out to be the worst year of junior high another little bitch came and oh she came with an evil that you could see in her eyes. We were friends for awhile but then suddenly people stopped talking to me and avoided me I was so confused , that's when one of my guy friends came up to me and asked " is it true" so I asked him what the heck was he talking about he said " you know, the rumor that you are a lesbian". I was shocked, It did not bug me that people thought I was a lesbian , I grew up with one my friend's parent being gay and two of my mom's best friends were a lesbian couple but it was the fact that everyone avoided me because that, it hurt. She also kept calling me names like "ugly whore", "fat bitch", "cow". She made me hate my life, I started to hated myself, because of that I went into depression and started to cut myself, I felt like some how I deserved all the crap that has happened in my life. I even wanted to kill myself to put myself out of this misery because apparently I was the girl nobody could love, I was the only girl who was never asked out or even kissed and I thought no one cared if I died . When I told one of closest friends this and asked her " what would you do if I killed myself?" she just paused and started to cry she said " I-I-I-I don't know what I would do. You are my best friend, you helped me through so much, you are the nicest person I know. Please don't go, I care about you". She kept on crying, I stood there for a second and thought wait someone cares? Before I knew it I was crying too. I promised her that day that I would stop, she helped me see that someone cared about me and that I was not alone in this world. Now it's my sophomore year in high school I now attend a charter school and everyone there calls me "the absolute nicest girl you could ever meet" I have friends who I can be myself towards and people who understand me. I now look forward and I never want to look back, I'm finally happy and proud to be where I am right now, my scars from cutting myself remind me of what a huge mistake I almost made.
I know kinda corny to end on a happy note but hey at least I know now that my life does not completely suck.
Sorry if my first blog is lame to you but that's my life!
Hate me, love me, I don't give a shit!
Black Rose
To most it looks grim to me it looks beautiful
Hello. I am Zeki. I wanted to say how moved I am by your story. I hate how much bad luck you had up until recently. (I myself never had a guy confess you me until the start of this school year where I'm a Freshman, come eighth grade year one girl announced to the entire bus that I'd never had a crush and one guy accused me of being lesbian) I think people who do cruel things and spread rumors are nice and I'm really glad you didn't make the mistake of cutting yourself because of all the grief it causes people when someone even attempts to commit suicide and they know it(my older half-sister tried to commit suicide the year before my parents divorced. It nearly shook my entire world as she went to a special building where she went while my younger sisters and I watched our oldest sister and did our school work, and now I feel sorry for the parents whose kids didn't make it past the suicide attempts to realize that what mistake it was)
ReplyDeleteThank you very much. I am truly sorry about your sister, I really do hope she is better now. I think what she really needed at that time was to have someone there for her and snap her out of it, but I am glad she didn't die. I learned that suicide is not the solution. I hope she found her way.
ReplyDeleteThanks. She is better. During her recovering time she actually helped my mother plan the event that would separate me from my dad(her stepdad). The only thing is that ever since the argument with my mom that happened the night she attempted it, she's cut off a lot of her that I had loved(it was so wavy and she had it died a lovely shade of red) and replaced her fashion that I would actually love to see with fake tails, daisy duke shorts, and thigh-high socks with skulls on them. Even so, I do love her, but she has changed so much now... I really miss the girl that I could watch anime with without breaking into an argument.
ReplyDelete-Zeki
As long as she is happy and healthy, I think that is all that matters. At least you had some connection with her before, my sister and I have nothing in common. If you want to talk about anime you could talk in discussion groups online or with your friends. Oh and by the way if you have any random questions to ask me, go for it. I love to answer questions ( just don't ask me the meaning of life, I'm not a sage)
ReplyDeleteHaha. I think that, in truth, everyone has their own definition of the meaning of life, so there is no real definition. (I don't even think there is a real meaning to life...)
ReplyDeleteYeah, I have this boy I know who got me the first two volumes of Vampire Knight(my favorite manga) for my birthday(which was yesterday). And other than him, I can talk about a certain shojo anime with one friend. Other than that, I have a website that I hope to get people to join since my mom won't let me on Neopets anymore...
Sounds like you have pretty great friends. Oh, and Happy belated Birthday! I hope your website is very successful and I wish you the best of luck! Neopets, it brings back great memories,when I was a kid I was addicted to that site.
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